And finally...

So it's been a while since I've posted. Oops. Been away (Switzerland, thanks for asking, and the only tv I saw there was BBC One. It was odd watching the BBC London News in Zurich - they just take the main Beeb feed so that's there by default. Still shit though...)

Also not been much on the telly, apart from endless shows about chickens (enough, please, Jamie, Hugh and Gordo) and a big rejiggle of ITV1.

The truth is does anyone give a monkey's chuff about News at Ten and Sir Trev and That Lass Off Of Sky and The Bongs? I do, obviously, as I lurrrrrve pretentious pompous news graphics and music - yay NaT for being totally Day Today about the whole thing, with echos of the old BBC News graphics when they used to look like a Nazi propagranda video (http://youtube.com/watch?v=C3wpcsKzgIk&feature=related) or was beamed from London and space (http://youtube.com/watch?v=vPmiB6IhShs&feature=related)

I once did the news. It was a Sunday afternoon in July, on an infamous cable station that has more people remembering it than ever could've seen it. I was in a rabbit costume, mainly pretending to play tennis at the Wimbledon results. There was someone else actually reading the news obviously. Hey, we took our news seriously. So a 19 year-old work experience person read it, working the autocue with a pedal and sitting in front of a static camera.

The only reason I was on was that the person who should've been dressed up like a rabbit pretending to play tennis was trapped in the bogs. I think he'd had a dodgy curry or something but when the panicking Boy Newsreader ran over and said I'd have to be the bunny I didn't exactly jump at the chance. I was the only other person in, true, and the boss would fire him if he saw a news bulletin without his beloved bunny in it, yes, but why me?

The costume smelt of stale sweat and, bizarrely, chips.

Apparently I was "ok for the tennis bit but shit at the news miming", as the boss told me the next day. As I was Head of Stupid Ideas, it had proven quite funny that I was all bunnied up.

Next day I starred in the even rubbisher soap they made next to my desk. But that's another story...