Titles (ii)..

Exciting news - two emails have flooded into TelevisionSecret's HQ. OK, both from the same person (hello "Bazza") and one was correcting a typo, but, hey, I was thrilled to get any feedback to my bletherings.

I have to say, "Baz" - if I can call you that; I kinda feel I know you somehow - that you're not actually correct in your assumption I whipped the title of Propertunities from a certain .co.uk Spanish villa seller I'd never heard of. Their website says (c) 2001 onwards so let's assume that's when they started. I've no idea mind you but I can assure you, dear readerines, that my interest in Spanish property is zero. And I haven't gone to the bother of actually researching anything properly either. Oh no. You've probably worked out already.

Yes, I am a shyster and have been known to, er, take inspiration from everywhere. But, Mr B, you underestimated the longevity of my career of making up daytime shit for the tellybox. My first one-liner for Propertunities was written in late 1996, when C5 was just starting to commission stuff. (I was at their tenth anniversary party last week and would impart any scurrilous gossip but I didn't really notice much. Trisha's quite short. Er, Matthew Wright's not that short. I drank lots of shorts. End of story)

My boss snorted coffee out of her nose at my pitch - the same rubbish there's-not-really-a-show-just-a-title stuff I mentioned last time - and said "NEXT!". She went for the daytime magazine show idea I'd had, even though it was very poor. It had to run from 1pm to 3pm and I'd called it "1to3" (sigh). She hated the title but it was the biggest commission financially ("you can tell they're the fifth channel 'cos they expect you to make their crap for a fifth of the price!" she screamed)

It didn't get commissioned. Gloria Hunniford did instead. Bless.

tv secret: old tv ideas never die - just dust 'em off and sell 'em again a wee while later

Just make sure it's someone else in charge when you re-submit "Britain's Ugliest Babies: LIVE!". Which, with the average life expectancy of a commissioning editor, means waiting all of, oooh, six weeks max.

Next time I'll spill on The Worst Programme Rejection Letter I Ever Got, something I hid from my boss as it scared me senseless. The big TV cheese I'd sent an idea to even threatened that if any other channel in the UK screened my show he'd leave the country. And soon after he was off.