Ok, day two so better get on with it – here’s a tv secret. They’ll come randomly and irregularly throughout this blog, but to be honest this is the core one:

tv secret #001:
like everyone else in tv, I haven’t got a clue

Simple eh? Once you realise that no-one has any idea what they’re doing in tv, the whole mysterious universe becomes crystal clear. Questions such as why does Davina McCall exist, what is the difference between a ‘+1’ and ‘2’ channel on digital telly and why anyone thought it a good idea to make a reality series packed with all the people you hated from other reality series… well, you can stop fretting now.

It’s because no-one has the faintest idea what they’re doing.

Do you feel better now? I know a weight lifted off my shoulders as soon as I realised that I wasn’t alone in my vast all-consuming cluelessness. I was dead chuffed at getting by, managing to busk it on my wits alone with no instinct or knowledge or experience to call on, until I realised everyone else was the same.

And then I thought, shit, I could actually do well at this telly lark. And, by and large, I have. Marvellous.

That doesn’t make this blog a sham, I promise. I’m not sure what it is - hey, I’m only on the second installment, it might be a masterpiece - but it’s not fake or false.

That’s what tv is. Fake and false.

So, ergo, I’m being all profound or something. I even used the word ‘ergo’.